What Can You Say?

This post is intended to spark an emotion in the reader…a deep compassion that most of us would sooner bury than to even know it exists in us.  For some, this will hit harder than they could realize.  For others, it will be very unexpected but I ask you, what can you say…to a mother, a father who has lost their baby?  Especially, if you personally have not experienced such a tragedy.  I’m sorry for your loss?  I feel your loss?  I feel your pain?  No, these will never truly comfort.

Baby Kasen

 

What if I told you there’s nothing you can say that will comfort someone who has lost their baby?  What to do…what to do?

As a Christian, I believe and fully understand that all the babes belong to Christ Jesus — they belong to God.  I understand that there may be some concious-level insight that a baby passing at the age of just a couple of months, or even sooner, will never have to deal with the pains and vulgarities of this world — perhaps I would find a little comfort in that knowledge if I had lost my child.  But it doesn’t make the grieving any better, does it?

As an outsider, of course, I will find myself in very few situations where I may experience speaking to someone who has just lost a baby but it happens to people all over the world, every day of life.

I never met and don’t know Angie nor did I ever see, hold or bounce on my knee her baby boy, Kasen.  So, really, what could I say that would make it better?

Kasen was just shy of a few months.  It is my understanding that he soon would’ve had surgeries to correct his parted upper lip.  There was every indication that he would’ve led a wonderful life with his big brother, Hunter.  Alas, it is not to be.

What can an olderly guy like me do?  I can pray for their family.  I can pray that God fills their hearts and minds with some assemblance of comfort in knowing that Kasen is in the Best Arms in the universe.  I can pray that their lives are not overcome by debilitating grief and despair because of their loss.  I can pray that their loved ones, their family and friends do not fade away from them in their time of grief because they do not know what to say.  How many times do we shrink away from being there for someone because we are so overcome by what has happened to them that we can’t function properly when we are in their company?  Friends, these are the times we must be strong.

I would suggest that we do not have to interject ourselves into their grief time but that we just let them know we are available when and if they need us.  Perhaps a note expressing our love and letting them know that we’re here when they’re ready.  Thing is, we need to ensure we are here for them, when they’re ready.  I think the best thing we can do, is be the best friend we can during everyday life so that when a tragedy, such as the loss of a loved one happens, our family and friends know we love them and will help in anyway we can.

Personally, I’m almost 3,000 miles away but Angie is a friend of my daughter, someone who did hold him and squeeze him and love him.  There’s not much I can personally do to comfort someone I do not know, about a specific loss I have not experienced.  I have prayed for their family and I did donate to their gofundme burial fund.

I know, it’s not much but what can I say?

Jay

• 1 John 3:23 (NLT)

  And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us.

Child loss grief support (not all inclusive):

http://www.throughtheheart.org/

http://www.aamft.org/imis15/AAMFT/Content/Consumer_Updates/Grieving_the_Loss_of_A_Child.aspx

http://www.missfoundation.org/

http://www.mygriefangels.org/Grief_Support_Directory.html

 

We Live in an Ambiguous Society

Disclaimer: The following is an opinion diatribe…read at your own interest.

Wha?

If bald is beautiful, why is hair restoration so important?

Vagueness seems to be common place in our society. Why?

Political Correctness, not wanting to hurt others’ feelings, personal and mental sensitivity; not being able to see past one side of a situation or object; or perhaps, we lack the ability to express or describe something for fear of all those things. Moreover, I think the answer is actually within us, personally, because we’re afraid. Yes, afraid of how we will be perceived.

Take the blunt person. How many times have we complained that person is a bully, contrary, argumentative or that they’re just a(n) (smart)ass? We often hear that he or she is just mean, not to mention the vulgarities used to describe them. Do we ever take into consideration of what they are telling us, regardless of how it is delivered?

Then there is the meek person, the person who doesn’t make themselves clear because they are afraid of how they will be perceived. And then, we call them weak, timid, shy and often make fun of them or just dismiss their views altogether.

How about the uninformed person? They speak to be involved even though they do not have a grasp of the facts of a situation, person or object. We are quick to describe them as a village idiot and also ignore them.

The gamers, liars, performers, politicians…just to single out a few, all bring up negative views in our minds but yet, we are reluctant to describe them as they truly are [perceived].

Think about how many times we denounce violent behavior but do nothing to stop it because the solution often requires, yes, violence.  How can we coexist with people who literally want to kill us?

Our personal standards of what is right and wrong, our own filters and barriers, our fears, fears of rejections, retaliation, or of being ostracized, often dictate how we describe the world around us.

I enjoy when people like me but I don’t care if they do. I really mean it. I am somewhat of an extrovert because my life has ran the course from here to there, so many “new” environments and places—personally as well as employment. I wasn’t raised to be meek but I have learned to tone down my bluntness; and I am now more reluctant to fight at the drop of a word—argue maybe but not fight.

In the midst of the destruction of our society, as we have known it, dialogue is so beneficial. However, when one group seems to have all the answers, for everyone regardless of our differences, no matter which side of the situation we are on, we will find the enslaved and oppressed on the other side. I do not say this about a particular group of peoples based on color, ethnicity or religion. I say this based on a free people of this country, the United States of America, which for at least the past decade has been anything but united.

It is ideology that is changing our way of life and regardless of the ambiguity of our situation, it appears ambivalence is a driving force. One size does not fit all, in spite of what “they” tell us.

No, violence is often not the answer but when survival is at stake, sometime we must defend ourselves. But what will be the reasons behind our fight? Will it be so that we can have more and someone else have less? Will it be so that we can be recognized for ourselves, our individual ways of life(styles)? Will it be for our religious freedoms and whether ours will be the dominate one? Will it be for our children, so that if there is a future, it will be a good and prosperous time for them?

Or, will it be for our freedom? Freedom from tyranny brought on by those that seemingly know what is better for us as a “society” regardless of what is better for us as individuals of a nation.  Regardless of what we really want?

I would hope that we cast our ambivalence aside and make a stand for our individual freedom over a society of leeches. When someone receives, it has to come from somewhere. Are we as a hard-working people going to let them take it (whatever the “it” is) from us without some kind of stand? I would hope not.

Open dialogue is good – intimidation is not. Do not allow yourselves to be intimidated anymore. Speak up before they tell you your speech is no longer free. Don’t be vague, tell us how you really feel about something. Ambiguity may be killing you.

I can’t see the top of my head, in your opinion, am I bald, yet?

Jay 🙂

 

 

What Do You Fear The Most?

At the time of the year when many of us are preparing for the fun of Halloween, finding the right costume and attending parties and haunted houses, the question arises in the quest to discover, what do you #fear the most?

The One Thing Americans Fear the Most

Ryan Wallace October 22, 2014

The top five things Americans fear the most are as follows:

1. Walking alone at night
2. Becoming the victim of identity theft
3. Lack of safety on the Internet
4. Being the victim of a mass/random shooting
5. Public speaking

The top five things Americans are concerned about are as follows:

1. Having identity stolen on the Internet
2. Corporate surveillance of Internet activity
3. Running out of money in the future
4. Government surveillance of Internet activity
5. Becoming ill/sick

Outside of our phobias (:  an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation (m-w.com)), where being buried alive (taphophobia), fear of  heights (acrophobia); or not being properly cared for if I am incapable of caring for myself are at the top on my personal list, the results of the above lists show us what we are afraid of in our daily lives, the world today.

I wonder what spurs our fears in our general and worldwide societies today.  Is it the news we see at the click of a button on television or the internet; the movies we watch or the books we read?  So many people I know read horror thrillers and watch the same movie genres just for the thrill of being “scared.”  I do not possess the same craving to have the wits scared out of me.  However, that is so much different than the real life presented to us by what used to be the evening news but has evolved into a 24-hour information overload.  We see most every day that some college student is missing and feared dead (often that is the case) because some deranged person has done them harm; or the numerous amber alerts, school violence and drive-by shootings presented as breaking alerts.  Now, added to the mixture of mess and mayhem, are the terrorism threats and “acts of senseless violence,” as some would call it.  First it was overseas, people having their heads cut off but then it was done here in an act of “workplace violence.”

The world provides us with senseless violence everyday with the assaults of women, children and others by so-called societal-created psychopaths (bad guys).  It is no wonder most people fear walking alone at night.  In addition to fear of walking alone, people fear or are concerned about the safety of their identity.  Not the persona we put out there for others to see but the one thing that is truly us, the person we truly are in private.  We are a culmination of experiences that makes up our personality but when it comes to us, our finances, our family and our lives, we wish that to remain ours and ours alone.  It is not for anyone to take.  I wouldn’t recommend anyone invading my home, I’m real protective in that arena.  These are valid fears or concerns.  So much so, that we are willing to pay companies to keep us safe.

So, what do we do?  Well, we can pay a company to keep our home or information safe, or at least warn us when it is at risk; we can take self-defense courses or purchase weapons; shred financial and other personal papers to keep them out of the trash and we can keep as much of our information as private as whatever social media we’re on will allow.  We can, although in today’s world extreme, stay off the grid.  Good luck with that one.  Another thing we can do is not worry about the things of which we have absolutely no control.  The old saying, “change the things you can…”

So, at a time of impending zombie apocalypse, what do I fear most?  I have more concerns that I do actual fears.  Perhaps the one true, non-phobic thing I fear most is a government that takes away our Constitution and squashes every liberty we the Free have in order to tear us down to the level of a society afraid of everything and anything lest our government save us.

A Psalm of David.

1. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  Psalms 23

Care to share?  What do you fear most?

 

Jay 🙂