The Difficulty of Forgiveness

How often have we thought ‘what a wonderful feeling it would be to ________ (fill in the blank)…’ the person who has caused us pain?

Who is it that has hurt you?  Was it your dad, mom, sibling, other family member, the neighborhood or school bully, someone outside of your normal surroundings?

How deep is the wound?  Were you devastated?  Is the wound a gash or a paper cut?  Did you think it was healed only to find out it only has a scab that you keep picking at?

Have you really tried to heal but there’s always something stuck in the back of your mind that you can’t shake it?

If you were a child and felt defenseless to the pain that was caused you and now you’re an adult you believe that you can not only defend yourself but you too can inflict some justified hurt in retaliation.  Perhaps that person is in your life everyday and won’t own up to their part in your pain.  Maybe they moved away or maybe they have since died and you can’t strike out against them in the manner in which you feel would give you the most satisfaction.

Don’t you just love it when someone tells you, “forget them…they’re not worth your time or energy;” or maybe, “it’s them, not you, get on with your life…”  Yes, just get on with your life.  But, they never tell you how.  How do you get on with you life when you feel as though you have no life because of your pain?  How do you stand up for yourself in a world where no one seems to really understand?

Family and friends are good to have around but we’ve got to be realistic when it comes to the influence that people have in our lives.  If we are with people who are mentally or physically abusive to us or we feel powerless in an environment where others are being abused, it cannot be good to be there.  Often we seek escape.  Sometimes we escape by leaving and often carry guilt if we left someone behind who was vulnerable to abuse.  But hey, we got out, right?  Sometimes we escape with alcohol, drugs and even to others, or lifestyles that are just as damaging even if alcohol and drugs are not involved.  Sometimes, some of us escape to death.  We often seek love–in all the wrong places.  Sometimes we seek help, most often from other people who may or may not be able to step in, provide sound advice or provide us some other form of assistance; sometimes we seek law enforcement aid, groups, or self-help guides; and then, some of us finally seek God.

Yes, God–often the last resort but the One with the most to offer.  The One who gave His only begotten Son so, if we believe in Him that was innocent, who was crucified to death, overcame death and arose after three days in a glorified body and ascended to be at the right hand of the Heavenly Father until a time that the Father declares and who will return to take the believers, first the dead in Christ and second those who are alive in Christ and will live eternity in Heaven with Him. (see John 3:16)

If we sincerely seek our Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus with a true and humble heart, and as the Apostle Paul may have said,  trust Him with all our έντερο (gut), then we shall be forgiven of all of our sins because Jesus, (okay here’s the difficult part to wrap our minds around) Jesus, took every sin, every bad feeling, everything that could ever possibly happen to us that would keep us unholy and not able to even be looked at by God the Father, He took it all upon Himself for each and everyone of us.  What?!!  I know, right?  So there is actually nothing that He doesn’t understand.  Because, as God, He is the only One who can actually hold the weight of it all.  Therefore, when we give up our pain(s) to Him, He truly understands our individual pain(s).  And, by forgiving us of our sins He makes it possible for us to forgive others who have wronged us.

The two main commandments that God has given us that are most important are:  Matthew 22: 37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39  A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Forgiveness toward others who have hurt or wronged us in some way does not come easy but often, forgiveness is not always about releasing the other person, especially when sometimes that person is not around to know that we have forgiven them.  Forgiveness is really about freeing ourselves.  When someone tells us to, “just forget about them…” that’s kind of hard to do if we haven’t forgiven them because the memory of the pain is still eating at us.  Forgiveness is hard but so is living with the hurt and anger the eats away at our insides, our lives and the innocents around us.  Be free neighbors, be free.

Psalms 56:11 (NLT)

I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

The wounds are often deep and though some are paper cuts, ‪#‎forgiveness‬ is difficult for us. When we surrender our will to the will of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, forgiveness becomes familiar.

Matthew 19:26 (NLT)

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”

 

Listen, for He calls your name.  “Here I am, Lord,” I respond.

Jay 🙂

 

My Sanctuary

There’s no place like home

I enjoy people in the real world; I enjoy the customer service aspect of my job as I also enjoy karaoke.  But when I am home with my wife and the furry kids, I so enjoy my privacy.

Oh how I enjoy my privacy.  Thankfully, soon the leaves on the trees will be full enough to where the neighbors can’t see me and I won’t be able to see them.

The daffodils have departed, the tulips are on their way out; azaleas and dogwoods in bloom as I await the irises and the peonies.  The birds feeding — the blue birds in their houses and soon the return of humming birds and butterflies.

An April rainy day, a cup of coffee and the love of my life…God has blessed me, the sinner, in spite of myself.

My God-given sanctuary in a city neighborhood.

Jay 🙂

 

 

Where Are They?

How many times have you found a post or blog that you like, click follow, and then never hear from them again?

Occasionally, like this morning, I go to the Blogs I Follow list and click on different blogs just to see what they’re up to.  Often, I see that they have not posted in the past 2 to 6 months–I wonder why?  Did something happen to them?  Did life get in the way?  Should I secretly mourn they’re passing?  I know I took about a month off between posts to take care of things in my life but I didn’t go away, I still read other posts.

Now, just as everyone doesn’t like all of my posts, sometimes I don’t like all of someone else’s.  We’re that way.  We like what we like, when we like it.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in a blog overall.  I am, otherwise, why would I expect to see someone?  Why else would I look for their perspective?

At one point, they captured my attention but now they’re gone.

Shane, or whoever you are, come back.  Oh!  What’s that shiny thing over there?  Is that another blog I might be interested in?

Jay 🙂

 

It’s Time To Move On…

No, this is not a solemn occasion, this is reality.

It was another great busy day.  The furry kids didn’t climb all over me yesterday morning; my wife breezed through on her way out the door and kissed me goodbye and wished me a happy birthday; bible study, a nice fresh cup of joe, and off to work I went.  That’s when things got busy.

Of course it was the last day of the work month and everyone calling to make their payments, rentals, inquiries, some additional things with my boss in town because of the snow we had the day before which postponed events; and end of month reports.  The drive home was nice, I got to talk to my dad but missed a call from my daughter–it was really nice that she texted (I hope that is a word) me a really cool special birthday e-card.

Furry kids, my honey, mom-in-law, pizza, cards in the mail and then, for desert mind you 😉 my wife made this way cool chocolate cake, dark chocolate icing with chocolate chips inside the icing and, if that’s enough, raspberry filling — oh yeah.  And my wife was concerned it didn’t come out right and I wouldn’t like it — ha ha!  I win again.  She’s so good to me.

Later, I got calls from one of my cousins and one of my brothers to catch up — we do that for our birthdays; and many birthday wishes on various social media, thank you all.

My dad sent me a package.  In it were some items that had belonged to his mother, some important papers that had belonged to him that are now belong to me; and, much to my surprise, papers concerning me that he had kept for all these years–high school report cards, middle school report cards, letters, poems and stories I had written and forgotten existed, childhood immunizations, letters the Navy wrote to my dad to let him know that ownership had changed from him to me, papers that went back to the beginning, a copy of my birth certificate.  In essence, my paper childhood.  It was an interesting trip back in time — some things came back to me.  And while on that trip down memory lane, I realized, if I had not before, birthdays are reminders that it’s time to move on.  Not in the sense that you forget your childhood, youth and younger years but move on in the sense that we don’t stay back there.  Live today and look forward to tomorrow because yesterday is done…it had its time and that’s why we have memories.  Dad always knows…

And, to add to the goodbye of my younger years, I had a moment to say goodbye to Leonard Nimoy, a man who entertained me most of my life.  A man I knew from childhood as Mr. Spock.  A man who took me on impossible missions and in search of interesting things.  I pray that his search is over and he rests forever in peace in the glory of the Lord.

My time is short today, my honey is out with her mom and the guys are here to build the closet but the furry kids are relaxed,

Before I go, I think I’ll have another piece of cake and a cup of coffee.  Let me eat cake…I’ll move on with my life just a little later.

I am truly thankful for my life…Thank you, God.

Jay 🙂

 

Yes, Brian Has A New Knee…

For the many of you who responded to Brian’s plight and battle with bone cancer, thank you for all your prayers and well wishes.

The surgery was yesterday and lasted several hours.  The doctor told Ashleigh that they believe they were able to remove all of the cancer cells (yea!).  They removed bone and replaced the entire knee.  I’m not sure of everything involved but Brian is up walking right now as I type this update.  He is in quite a bit of pain but I would hope that is small compared to the alternative.

I give thanks to the Lord for this outcome and pray for a complete and quick recovery period.  He’s still a knucklehead but he’s our knucklehead.

Again, thank you all for your concern, compassion, prayers and well wishes.

Jay 🙂

 

Yes, Brian Has Cancer…

What do you say or do when you find out someone in your family, or even a friend, has some form of cancer?

Where to start?…

A little more than a week ago, Brian, my son-in-law, left work and arrived home in the wee hours of the morning.  While taking care of things and securing his vehicle in the Bakersfield, California, tule fog, he noticed something going on at his neighbor’s a few houses down.  Having been burgled recently, Brian decided to check out the scene when he noticed a couple of young lads taking things from his neighbor’s garage.  Brian took out his cell phone and attempted to capture the events on camera when the lads scrambled, jumped into their vehicle and proceeded to run Brian down.  With a broken knee and some bumps and bruises, Brian was still able to call 911, while my daughter, Ashleigh went to his aid.

In the hospital, the doctors confirmed the broken knee but also they noticed a tumor in the area of the break.  They transported Brian to UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica, California.  Doctors there ran their test and told Brian that some surgery would need to be performed to repair his leg but they would wait a while to see what type of cancer they’re dealing with before progressing forward with the procedure.  Surgery is scheduled for this Friday for them to do something to repair his leg, which will probably entail removal of tumor from inside the bone then either repairing with rods and plates or replacing the knee (and surrounding bone), what ever will be most productive.

So far, so good, right?  Well, let’s learn a little bit about Brian.  Brian you see is a bit of an unknown success story already.  Brian was raised in adversity, a not-so-great family environment; and a little bit of trouble along the way.  However, this did not stop Brian from doing something with his life that many would see as good.

Many people (family and friends) call Brian, Bear or Da Bear.  I’ve called him a few things over the years, more endearing terms like knucklehead and Brain and son.  Ashleigh calls him her best friend and her husband; the four grand kids call him Daddy.

Brian hasn’t always had a smooth path but has made the most of life and has done the best he could with what tools he had to work with.  But one thing most people don’t know about Brian is his personal dedication to family and friends.  Ashleigh and Brian met some 15 years ago–I vaguely remember meeting him some time ago but it was a quick event.  I never thought much of any guy my daughter was associated with then or since but I know more of Brian now.  He was there with Ashleigh when her parents went through a very unpleasant divorce; he was there with her when she had growing pains with her mother; he was there with her when her mother died prematurely; he has been there with her and their four children through hard and good financial times and he is there now, with his leg in a brace waiting to be fixed.  Just imagine what would go through your head in the same or similar circumstances.

As most daughter’s fathers, I’m not sure that I really thought that Brian would ever amount to anything but he of course surprised me.  When getting jobs is tough, Brian has been working several part time jobs plus taking care to be with his family ensuring quality time with his children at any opportunity.  I’m not sure when he slept but I’m sure he had to at some point.

Brian works on cars; he dips cars (some type of plastic funtastic coating applied for looks); he is learning and does furniture upholstery; he DJs karaoke at local clubs and also DJs weddings and events from time to time.

So, what do you say to a family member who has some form of cancer? I said goodbye to my mom 25 years ago (I was in the Navy and couldn’t be there)–my brothers, however, gave her physical support and went through her last days with her; and I have given love and moral support to my dad with his cancer battles over the past 20 years–of course, he only lives 1,200 miles away.

What do you do when you know you can’t personally fix it?  I spoke to Brian over the phone all the way from here in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, to let him know my wife and I are concerned for him, we love him and we are praying for him and the family.  I let him know that I hope his heart and mind, like never before, are open to Jesus as his Lord and Savior and that his relationship with God grows closer.  I know that I can’t personally do anything to make it well.  I can’t fix the cancer, the bone, the head or the heart.  I can only show love and support.  For this has happened to Brian and indirectly to his family; we’re all affected greatly by these events and hope for the best possible outcome.

You see, Brian is almost 28-years-old and has a lifetime ahead of him.  I am an olderly guy who wants Brian to have that lifetime with his family so, I pray.  I pray first, that God’s Will be done; then I pray for Brian’s comfort and healing; I pray for the learned doctor and his team to have all the right stuff to carry out their duties; I pray for Ashleigh and the kids, for their comfort and strength to deal with this mess in their lives and that the Lord provide them insight into why He is there and how He is there for them first and foremost.  Although I do not know the outcome of all of this, I keep faith in my Lord and God that He is the one that knows the best outcome–for from a bad event, He let it be known there was a tumor in Brian’s bone.

I wanted you to know a little about a young man that much of society would not put much stock in because he hasn’t done things as society dictates, he hasn’t lived a so-called perfect life.  I want you to know that sometimes, as much as it would be nice to gripe about the weather, gas prices, world events, terrorists, congress, and a piss poor president, there is a person who needs the love, if just for a moment, of a few good people to may be able to provide him support during a difficult time in his life — perhaps the most difficult time of his life.  So, if you could take a moment of time and please join me in saying a prayer for Brian Ransom of Bakersfield, California, and his family–I would greatly appreciate it.  And while you’re there, say a prayer for the rest of the people out there going through similar things in life…you know who they are.

Let’s bring something personal to the fight–let’s bring names to those who may be suffering alone and let them know that they are not alone.  Those of us who are affected by their plight are with them in love and spirit.

Love and God’s blessings.

Jay 🙂