The Difficulty of Forgiveness

How often have we thought ‘what a wonderful feeling it would be to ________ (fill in the blank)…’ the person who has caused us pain?

Who is it that has hurt you?  Was it your dad, mom, sibling, other family member, the neighborhood or school bully, someone outside of your normal surroundings?

How deep is the wound?  Were you devastated?  Is the wound a gash or a paper cut?  Did you think it was healed only to find out it only has a scab that you keep picking at?

Have you really tried to heal but there’s always something stuck in the back of your mind that you can’t shake it?

If you were a child and felt defenseless to the pain that was caused you and now you’re an adult you believe that you can not only defend yourself but you too can inflict some justified hurt in retaliation.  Perhaps that person is in your life everyday and won’t own up to their part in your pain.  Maybe they moved away or maybe they have since died and you can’t strike out against them in the manner in which you feel would give you the most satisfaction.

Don’t you just love it when someone tells you, “forget them…they’re not worth your time or energy;” or maybe, “it’s them, not you, get on with your life…”  Yes, just get on with your life.  But, they never tell you how.  How do you get on with you life when you feel as though you have no life because of your pain?  How do you stand up for yourself in a world where no one seems to really understand?

Family and friends are good to have around but we’ve got to be realistic when it comes to the influence that people have in our lives.  If we are with people who are mentally or physically abusive to us or we feel powerless in an environment where others are being abused, it cannot be good to be there.  Often we seek escape.  Sometimes we escape by leaving and often carry guilt if we left someone behind who was vulnerable to abuse.  But hey, we got out, right?  Sometimes we escape with alcohol, drugs and even to others, or lifestyles that are just as damaging even if alcohol and drugs are not involved.  Sometimes, some of us escape to death.  We often seek love–in all the wrong places.  Sometimes we seek help, most often from other people who may or may not be able to step in, provide sound advice or provide us some other form of assistance; sometimes we seek law enforcement aid, groups, or self-help guides; and then, some of us finally seek God.

Yes, God–often the last resort but the One with the most to offer.  The One who gave His only begotten Son so, if we believe in Him that was innocent, who was crucified to death, overcame death and arose after three days in a glorified body and ascended to be at the right hand of the Heavenly Father until a time that the Father declares and who will return to take the believers, first the dead in Christ and second those who are alive in Christ and will live eternity in Heaven with Him. (see John 3:16)

If we sincerely seek our Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus with a true and humble heart, and as the Apostle Paul may have said,  trust Him with all our έντερο (gut), then we shall be forgiven of all of our sins because Jesus, (okay here’s the difficult part to wrap our minds around) Jesus, took every sin, every bad feeling, everything that could ever possibly happen to us that would keep us unholy and not able to even be looked at by God the Father, He took it all upon Himself for each and everyone of us.  What?!!  I know, right?  So there is actually nothing that He doesn’t understand.  Because, as God, He is the only One who can actually hold the weight of it all.  Therefore, when we give up our pain(s) to Him, He truly understands our individual pain(s).  And, by forgiving us of our sins He makes it possible for us to forgive others who have wronged us.

The two main commandments that God has given us that are most important are:  Matthew 22: 37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39  A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Forgiveness toward others who have hurt or wronged us in some way does not come easy but often, forgiveness is not always about releasing the other person, especially when sometimes that person is not around to know that we have forgiven them.  Forgiveness is really about freeing ourselves.  When someone tells us to, “just forget about them…” that’s kind of hard to do if we haven’t forgiven them because the memory of the pain is still eating at us.  Forgiveness is hard but so is living with the hurt and anger the eats away at our insides, our lives and the innocents around us.  Be free neighbors, be free.

Psalms 56:11 (NLT)

I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

The wounds are often deep and though some are paper cuts, ‪#‎forgiveness‬ is difficult for us. When we surrender our will to the will of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, forgiveness becomes familiar.

Matthew 19:26 (NLT)

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”

 

Listen, for He calls your name.  “Here I am, Lord,” I respond.

Jay 🙂

 

Do You Know Someone Who Suffers Spatial Disorientation?

  Some common questions in the storage world: “How much is the smallest space?” 5’x5’ … “Can I fit stuff from a 3 bedroom apartment in the smallest one?” Not unless your apartment is a doll house. What? Nevermind.

Yes, the storage world has its moments.

I am quite fascinated with the idea that so many people do not understand space and how much of it is needed to store their “stuff.” I do understand that everyone is not able to figure out space needed, that’s not my point — it really comes down to the bottom line and equating the price of storage to the space required. Just going for the least expensive and understanding that the least expensive is usually the smallest, people ask for the smallest; and are really taken back when they realize that the smallest is usually about the size of a closet or a small walk-in closet. Most people I have found don’t have a relative clue about what a 5’x5’, 5’x15’ or even a 10’x20’ space will hold.

I, in turn, have a pretty good idea about space and what it will hold. I often can fit 5lbs of “stuff” into a 2lb sock, if you know what I mean. Maybe I was born with it or maybe I just learned from experience over the years — I do my best to not make someone feel bad when they do not understand. More is in my head than comes out through my lips.

If someone is in my office, I can use my office as a reference. “Do you need this much room or something larger, or something smaller?” I will ask.  Most people understand. Some still don’t know. Why? Because they do not know exactly what they will be storing. Hmmmm…Often, people do not want to tell me what they have so that I can properly assist them with spatial requirements. Also, people “forget” what they have that needs to be stored. “Oh yeah, I forgot about the dining table, the washer and dryer or the 22 boxes of stuff in the garage.”

If someone is on the phone, I ask them to look at their master bedroom and imagine they will be stacking things from floor to ceiling and everywhere in between…now, do you need a room that large, larger or smaller? Most people understand.

When people visit me, I like to take them out to look at the space they think they will need. Again, most people understand or at least are able to choose between different sizes once they view them.

Occasionally, I have someone who thinks they can fit 10lbs of “stuff” in a 2lb sock all because they are going for prince over need. Two results: 1) I later transfer them to the right size space; 2) the dumpster get full quickly.

Words of advice when searching for a place to store your stuff:  If you suffer from SD (Spatial Disorientation) please, seek the assistance of someone who knows how to stuff a sock, pack a box, a truck or even a room. The person could be a family member, a friend or even a professional. Do yourself a favor, learn and practice specific cognitive strategies such as forming a mental representation of the environment and how stuff will fit into that area.  Do not allow your life to be disrupted because of SD.

If you know someone who suffers from SD, please for our sake, help them, guide them, teach them.

“So, a 5’x5’, can I fit a 3 bedroom house in that?” Not unless it folds up like George Jetson’s car… What? Nevermind.

Jay 🙂

 

We Live in an Ambiguous Society

Disclaimer: The following is an opinion diatribe…read at your own interest.

Wha?

If bald is beautiful, why is hair restoration so important?

Vagueness seems to be common place in our society. Why?

Political Correctness, not wanting to hurt others’ feelings, personal and mental sensitivity; not being able to see past one side of a situation or object; or perhaps, we lack the ability to express or describe something for fear of all those things. Moreover, I think the answer is actually within us, personally, because we’re afraid. Yes, afraid of how we will be perceived.

Take the blunt person. How many times have we complained that person is a bully, contrary, argumentative or that they’re just a(n) (smart)ass? We often hear that he or she is just mean, not to mention the vulgarities used to describe them. Do we ever take into consideration of what they are telling us, regardless of how it is delivered?

Then there is the meek person, the person who doesn’t make themselves clear because they are afraid of how they will be perceived. And then, we call them weak, timid, shy and often make fun of them or just dismiss their views altogether.

How about the uninformed person? They speak to be involved even though they do not have a grasp of the facts of a situation, person or object. We are quick to describe them as a village idiot and also ignore them.

The gamers, liars, performers, politicians…just to single out a few, all bring up negative views in our minds but yet, we are reluctant to describe them as they truly are [perceived].

Think about how many times we denounce violent behavior but do nothing to stop it because the solution often requires, yes, violence.  How can we coexist with people who literally want to kill us?

Our personal standards of what is right and wrong, our own filters and barriers, our fears, fears of rejections, retaliation, or of being ostracized, often dictate how we describe the world around us.

I enjoy when people like me but I don’t care if they do. I really mean it. I am somewhat of an extrovert because my life has ran the course from here to there, so many “new” environments and places—personally as well as employment. I wasn’t raised to be meek but I have learned to tone down my bluntness; and I am now more reluctant to fight at the drop of a word—argue maybe but not fight.

In the midst of the destruction of our society, as we have known it, dialogue is so beneficial. However, when one group seems to have all the answers, for everyone regardless of our differences, no matter which side of the situation we are on, we will find the enslaved and oppressed on the other side. I do not say this about a particular group of peoples based on color, ethnicity or religion. I say this based on a free people of this country, the United States of America, which for at least the past decade has been anything but united.

It is ideology that is changing our way of life and regardless of the ambiguity of our situation, it appears ambivalence is a driving force. One size does not fit all, in spite of what “they” tell us.

No, violence is often not the answer but when survival is at stake, sometime we must defend ourselves. But what will be the reasons behind our fight? Will it be so that we can have more and someone else have less? Will it be so that we can be recognized for ourselves, our individual ways of life(styles)? Will it be for our religious freedoms and whether ours will be the dominate one? Will it be for our children, so that if there is a future, it will be a good and prosperous time for them?

Or, will it be for our freedom? Freedom from tyranny brought on by those that seemingly know what is better for us as a “society” regardless of what is better for us as individuals of a nation.  Regardless of what we really want?

I would hope that we cast our ambivalence aside and make a stand for our individual freedom over a society of leeches. When someone receives, it has to come from somewhere. Are we as a hard-working people going to let them take it (whatever the “it” is) from us without some kind of stand? I would hope not.

Open dialogue is good – intimidation is not. Do not allow yourselves to be intimidated anymore. Speak up before they tell you your speech is no longer free. Don’t be vague, tell us how you really feel about something. Ambiguity may be killing you.

I can’t see the top of my head, in your opinion, am I bald, yet?

Jay 🙂

 

 

Time management: perhaps you should have departed sooner…

2nd Oil

Time management: perhaps you should have departed sooner…

That’s my new bumper sticker. Well, it soon will be once I receive it in the mail next week.

Okay, so I’m the guy you hear about at work from one of your irate co-workers explaining why they are late for work—you know, the one who is late all the time. They will rant and rave about this guy in a perfectly healthy Jeep Liberty who apparently had nothing better to do than to hold up traffic and cause them to get caught by every light, and stop sign. They will not, however, take responsibility for their own lack of time management that led to their tardiness.

Yep, I’m the speed limit guy. Occasionally, I drive over the speed limit by a couple of mph but normally it’s the speed limit. If my wife wants to get somewhere in a more timely manner, she’ll offer to drive.

I must note that it drives me nuts when someone else drives under the speed limit when there are no reasons to do so, such as, inclement weather, construction, a parade or heavy traffic. I do my best to plan my events, manage my time to where I can get to where I’m going and be there on time. Even traveling the speed limit, I’m usually there ahead by 10 minutes or right on time. Sometimes I miss the mark but not by much (unexpected parades).   😉

You see, I used to be in a hurry and yell at all the other drivers for their mistakes. It was not pretty. My so-called road rage was really just inside my car most of the time with an occasional hand signal to other drivers to let them know I was not pleased with their road skills.

It took a while for me to mature in this area but now that I’m an olderly guy, I like having less stress in my life. I drive to work, at ease.  When I get to work, I’m calm and relaxed because I’ve had no drama to kick me up. I can recommend it to anyone who suffers from time mismanagement. If you have to, get up 10 minutes early.  Enjoy your coffee, watch the weather and traffic reports and leave at a time that is most convenient to you for you to enjoy your drive. If you have little kids, well, that’s on you–do your best.  Maybe people at work will notice your calmness and appreciate it.

I’ve started noticing landmarks that I previously did not know existed.  When people say to me, “You know, down by such a place or such a street,” I can say, “Yes, I do.”

Oh, to the guy in the little white Toyota that sped around me in the no passing zone and almost got hit by the firetruck…you know.

And to the rest of you that like to drive fast because you don’t care about rules and laws and think they don’t apply to you, don’t whine and cry if you are the survivor.

Jay 🙂

Every day is someone’s judgement day…be prepared or be extra careful.

 

What’s your story?

When it comes to telling your story, do you know what experiences you have that will tell the world about what made you who you are?

I read an article earlier today about an answer Mike “Dirty Jobs” Rowe gave in response to an interview question.  It had to do with not following your passion in life if it doesn’t prove successful in sustaining your life (of course that’s my take on it).

I’ve already proven to myself that my passion for writing stories and painting pictures will NEVER pay the bills, it shall remain a minor focus, part time at best.  There are a few reasons for this.  First, I work a little over 40 hours per week (no complaints, I’m blessed to have a low-paying job while others struggle to get work).  Second, although I have been writing for many years, I have not been properly trained in literature (specifically, creative writing) and therefore, will not appeal to very many (outside of my favorite people–very common folks).  My audience is and will remain limited.  And then, there’s the fact that it is important for me to follow God’s path for me with life, family and friends.  There is no guarantee that being an author is in my future but I will give it my best shot and see what happens.

After reading Mike’s response, I remembered when a friend asked me why I ever thought I could be a writer and what in the world would I know enough to write about.  I thought about my experiences in life (1) and how that could be a factor in helping me write (there are many stories, my friends).  I told my friend that would not be the problem.  The problem would be how I could accomplish it.

I’ve studied a few things here and there but I haven’t taken writing courses, yet.  In jobs as analyst and for reports writing, the style is very different from writing a book–the “government style guide” is quite different. With the knowledge I have, it would probably be easier to write a how-to book than a story book but I’m not in this for easy, I’m in it for creativity sake–an outlet for what’s inside my mind.  I already have a few stories that I’m working on.  What I have found in my research is that I can utilize skills from jobs and experiences I’ve had over the years, coupled with human observation, to put into characters.  Also in my research, it has been told to me that I should, “write how I speak,” and “just let it flow because you or someone else can fix it later.”  So, that’s my plan or was my plan.

Recently, I became a publisher.  I knew nothing about creating ebooks or printed books.  I had a couple of unknown writers provide me their books a few months ago; to learn about the processes, I bought ebooks and searched the internet for articles and blogs, and I viewed a few YouTube videos for information on self-publishing.  As of yesterday, I have three books with several sales on Amazon.com, in Kindle format and one of those on Createspace for print.  Oh, and I have this here blog website.  I had to learn to set up a website, too and it only took something I already possessed, my administration and self-management skills.

I believe that I have enough life experiences to create many stories.  I promise, I will apply syntax in a way that will make some cringe and others glad that they don’t have to struggle to read.  And, I will tell my stories, one page at a time.

So, what’s your story?  How can you use your experiences to tell it?  Just don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t tell it.

Jay 🙂

1 List of experiences (alphabetical order):  Administrator, Chauffeur, Classified Material Handler, Commercial Anodizer, Data Mining Specialist, Data Warehousing Administrator, Delivery driver, Document / Photo Scanner, Editor, Electronic files archiving, Events Planner, First Aid / CPR, Firefighter, Help Desk / Customer Service Representative, Information Technology assistant, Janitor, Leadership and Development Instructor, Legal Clerk, Military Intelligence Reports Writer/Analyst, Office Management, Painter (art / home), Personnel / Career Counselor, Personnel Management & Logistics, Personnel Pay, Poetry, Postal Clerk, Project Manager, Property Management/Leasing, Publisher, Records Management, Research Analyst, Retail and Business to Business Sales, Safe custodian (combination control), Security, Singer (Church Choir / Karaoke), Supply Clerk, Technical Manuals Librarian, Trainer and Subject Matter Expert Facilitator, Writer (Fiction / Non-fiction)

 

Time Management (Self-Management)

Too many times have I heard someone say, “There’s just not enough hours in a day…”

List of things to do this week:

1. Morning Bible Study/Prayer/Meditation
2. Morning Exercise
3. Work 40 -43 hours
4. Phone calls with dad, daughter and sister
5. Proof The Tor King for print on demand
6. Publish and self-promote The Tor King for print on demand
7. Add addendum to The Bull’s-Eye of Life
8. Verify copyright for The Bull’s-Eye of Life
9. Format cover for The Bull’s-Eye of Life for Kindle
10. Publish The Bull’s-Eye of Life for Kindle
11. Type more on the Study Guide for The Bull’s-Eye of Life
12. View video for men’s group discussion at Sunday evening meeting
13. Study for and take exam for lesson 1 in Public Speaking course
14. Help wife paint framing for back porch prior to contractor installing screening
15. Vehicle recall and oil change
16. Yard work / inspect roof and gutters
17. Resume cleaning garage
18. Attend Worship Services
19. Scan client photos and documents
20. Update ancestry.com
21. Write at least two articles for blog
22. Pick one of my five personal books and start writing first draft
23. Spend at least 5 quality minutes with wife

This is my actual To Do list for this week.  Though there doesn’t appear to be enough time to do everything on my list, except for writing on my personal book, everything will be accomplished.  Remember, not everything has to be done “now.”

These things are in combination with normal daily routine.  My wife, her mother and I use team work to take care of things around the house.  They do most of the house cleaning and taking care of the cooking and our dog children.  Usually, in the morning prior to me departing for work, I put a load in the wash and delay start until the afternoon so it will be done about time my wife comes home from work.  She finishes the process.  We do the same with other chores around the house…whoever can does when they can.  Some things are easier on me because my wife does so much that I do not have to do them myself; and my daughter, knucklehead and the grandkids live almost 3,000 miles away–fewer distractions.

My To Do list.  To accomplish all these tasks in the week ahead will require personal dedication to ensure that I am not pulled away by distractions such as, watching the Cleveland Browns play the Tennessee Titans, The American League Divisional playoffs, Bones, Criminal Minds, CSI, NCIS(s) and Person of Interest.  I do not say that I will not watch these programs but more than likely, I will watch one or two, or they will be on while I’m working on simple projects.  I won’t have them on when I’m reading, studying or need to concentrate on specific details.  However, when I’m formatting and typing books or scanning documents, these programs will be background fodder.

The main reason all or most of everything on my list will be accomplished is because of self- and time management.  I’m experienced enough to know about how much time it takes to accomplish a task and give myself a little extra time for unexpected events.  The guy at the dealership said it should take 1 1/2 hours to accomplish the recall and oil change so, I have blocked out 2 1/2 hours on my schedule.

Management of self is one of my most difficult accomplishments but nonetheless, mostly accomplished.  It is very easy for me to get wrapped up in tv, surfing the net, watching the ballgames, etc.  However, I’ve reached a point where I know that time is a swift river.

Some may not understand or wonder, who do I think I am to take on this endeavor?  I (self)publish, write, draw and paint for nothing other than personal creativity and self-satisfaction.  I don’t consider myself anymore than average at these things and sure, it is nice when others compliment me for these accomplishments, who wouldn’t like a little praise or encouragement.  But sometimes, just looking at the outcome is to me, satisfactory.

In order to accomplish all that I choose to do, I must manage myself and my time.  No one else can do it for me.  Others can assist in this or that but I am the only one who can determine what I can do in the time that it needs to be done.  If I’m squirrely I’ll never reach my goals. Some may say that I am self-disciplined.  Well, I read once on Wikipedia, I think, that discipline is not a course of actions leading to certain goal or ideal but a disciplined person is one that has established a goal and is willing to achieve that goal at the expense of his or her individuality (or words to that effect).  In my case, my individuality that is not at stake for this is the pouring out of my individuality and the discipline is in managing time to accomplish the goals that allow me to express who or what I really am.

I think this comes down to is personal desire.  It doesn’t make a difference who you are, if you truly have a desire to accomplish everything that you want or need to in a given time, take it upon yourself to do just that.  Take charge of yourself and plan your time and stick to your schedule but do allow for outside influences or accidents because life happens.  When you know in advance that you are helping someone else, put it on your schedule.  You can, though, limit other people drama by analyzing the need for your input and acting accordingly.  Please be kind to others and share yourself when you can or have the opportunity.

So,wouldn’t it be nice if the mechanic actually takes only 1 1/2 hours to complete the work on my vehicle, then I’ll have an extra hour to spend with my wife–as long as it fits into her schedule.  😉

Jay 🙂